Mean Machine

Danny Meehan, a former captain of England's national football team, who was banned for fixing a match between England and Germany, is sentenced to three years in Longmarsh prison after assaulting two police officers while drunk. Once inside, he is promptly beaten by the prison guards for misbehaving, and is subsequently approached by the prison warden. The warden offers Meehan a job as coach of the prison guards' football team. Not wanting to make enemies with the other prisoners, Meehan declines, and instead offers to train a practice team for the guards consisting of other inmates, who will take them on in a match.

Meehan ends up with the resident contraband dealer, Massive, as his right-hand man. He also receives advice from ancient convict, Doc, who teaches Meehan prison lore.

Meehan is then occupied with the task of training up his team of cons, with a violent con named Monk (Jason Statham) as his star player. It is all going well until the warden attempts to blackmail him into throwing the match. At first he puts his own interests before that of the team's, but as the final moments of the game tick down, he redeems himself, and wins the game for the cons. It also reunites most of the cast who have starred in the Guy Ritchie blockbusters Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch.

Tagline: Not Your Usual Suspects