Lesbian Vampire Killers

The Lesbian Vampire Killers plot revolves around two down-on-their-luck slackers, Fletch (James Corden) and Jimmy (Mathew Horne). After Jimmy is dumped by his on-again-off-again girlfriend, Judy, and Fletch is fired from his job as a children's clown, they decide to temporarily escape their woes and go hiking to a remote and, to them, unknown village selected by throwing a dart - while drunk - at an old map. The story continues as they are trying to make their way through a dense forest, with Fletch constantly complaining about the lack of "fanny" in their hiking-adventure. As they arrive to the local pub in the village, with Jimmy upset about Fletch destroying his phone, they spot a bus-load of attractive foreign female history students leaving the rural building. They both decide to enter the pub, in hopes of finding more women like the latter. Instead they are greeted by a morose crowd of men and approached by a seemingly crazed vicar (Paul McGann) who believes Jimmy to be a long lost descendant of a local vampire slayer. As the barman offers the two young men free ale as an excuse for the vicar, they find out that the students they saw earlier are heading to a nearby cottage - where they are to stay the night. Immediately they, with Fletch as the driving force, head off in pursuit of the bus - into a darker part of the forest. They manage to catch up to the bus as the engine temporarily breaks down, are introduced to the four girls (Heidi, Lotte, Anke and Trudi) and they both get invited to join the party that's been going on inside of the bus all along.The fellowship arrive at their destination, only to find that an ancient curse rests over the village and that every female child, at their eighteenth birthday turns into a lesbian vampire. This is the result of an old legend, where the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, descended on the village, killed its menfolk and seduced its women to her evil. When the ruler of the land, Baron Wolfgang Mclaren (Jimmy's great ancestor) returned from the Crusades, he discovered among the women corrupted by Carmilla was his wife, Eva. The baron forged a sacred sword, then faced and defeated Carmilla, but Carmilla cursed that every women would be turned on her eighteenth birthday, and that when the blood of the last of Mclaren's bloodline mixed with a virgin girl's blood, she would be resurrected. With that, the baron "lopped her fucking head off!"Fletch and Jimmy spend the night with the women. Heidi and Anke go outside to use the out-house and are turned into vampires. Trudi is similarly turned while taking a shower. Lotte insists that the survivors try to find her missing friends. They discover what's happened (after seeing Trudi turned before their eyes). However Eva, the mistress of Queen Camilla, tries to draw Lotte to her growing clan of lesbian vampires. The trio runs back into the cottage, after narrowly escaping Heidi and Anke (Anke is imapled on a branch by Lotte, and Fletch decapitates Heidi with a frying pan) and barricade themselves in (their initial plan to make a break for it is thwarted when the vampires destroy the van). Judi, meanwhile, arrives at the door and Jimmy, not ready to give up on the relationship, takes her in. Jimmy takes Judi into the bedroom. While they are in the bedroom, Lotte reveals to Fletch that she is a virgin and wants to sleep with Jimmy.At the church, the Vicar continues his research into the vampire slayer who originally killed Camilla, before arming himself and setting off to find Jimmy. Judi reveals herself to be a vampire in the cottage boudoir, but before she can kill Jimmy, Fletch puts an axe through her head. Fletch and Jimmy struggle to take her down as the initial blow fails to kill her, but eventually, Jimmy manages to split her skull. Once she is slain, Fletch makes a pass at Lotte but she ignores him in favour of Jimmy. The vampires approach the cottage and Jimmy inadvertently invites them in. Eva discovers that Jimmy is the descendant of the Baron who killed Camilla and that Lotte is a virgin. She kidnaps them as Fletch is in the bathroom.The Vicar arrives just in time to save Fletch from Trudi. Together they push her into the shower and the Vicar blesses the water to gruesomely slay her (much to Fletch's disgust). The Vicar reveals the truth about the village and Jimmy's identity, much to Fletch's disbelief. The two go after Jimmy and Lotte in the Vicar's crucifix-covered car. As the vampires prepare to sacrifice Lotte and Jimmy, Fletch and the Vicar try to recover the sword of Daeldo, the weapon the baron forged to kill Carmilla, from the baron's tomb. While Fletch works at opening the tomb, the Vicar checks in on his daughter Rebecca. He does not notice that she has already been turned. Rebecca later arrives at Jimmy's family tomb and attempts to seduce Fletch, who doesn't know what she is. She tries to attack him, but is inadvertantly impaled on the sword. Fletch decides not to tell the Vicar of his daughter's death.Back at Camilla's tomb, Lotte reveals her love for Jimmy. The vampires return and begin draining the two of their blood to bring Camilla back. With the sword, Fletch and the Vicar drive to Camilla's tomb. When they enter the woods, armed with a crossbow, crosses, and holy water condom water balloons, but forget the sword. A one-sided battle begins (the Vicar tries to shoot Eva, but fails when his crossbow breaks, and Fletch loses his nerve when he sees just how many vampires there are, causing the pair to flee), but the pair are able to reach Jimmy and Lotte. The Vicar releases Jimmy and Lotte but not before enough blood gathers to resurrect Camilla. He sends all three back to the car to get the sword while he buys them time, and is presumed to be killed by the horde of lesbian vampires who witness their queen's return. Eva separates Lotte from the men, and attacks and seduces her. Lotte fights back while Fletch and Jimmy fetch weapons. Lotte kills Eva with her cross necklace, invoking the wrath of Camilla. Fletch attempts to kill Camilla before Lotte is turned, but is captured himself. Jimmy saves them both by hurling the sword at Camilla, piercing her heart and destroying her for good. With the curse upon the town lifted, the three survivors decided that they must continue to rid the world of evil, and head off for other adventures.