Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) is a clerk at the Quick Stop, a local convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey. On Dante's day off, his boss calls him in to cover a few hours for another employee who is sick. Arriving at the store, he finds that security shutters are jammed closed with chewing gum, so he hangs a sheet over them with a message in shoe polish: “I ASSURE YOU; WE'RE OPEN.”

Dante’s day is spent in the purgatory of serving a succession of customers while bemoaning the fact that “I'm not even supposed to be here today.” Interspersed with the demands of his job, Dante passes time in wide-ranging conversations with his slacker friend, Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson). Randal ostensibly works at the neighboring video store, although he spends almost the entire day at the Quick Stop. They converse about many things to pass time, such as if the contractors working on the second Death Star when it was destroyed at the end of Return of the Jedi were innocent victims or not. Dante’s current girlfriend, Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti), also stops in and the two talk about Dante's current disposition—in a rut with no motivation to change. Further contributing to Dante's misery is an announcement in the local newspaper that his unfaithful ex-girlfriend, Caitlin, is engaged to be married.

Learning that he’s stuck working the store all day, Dante convinces his friends to play hockey on the store roof. The game is short; 12 minutes in, an irate customer shoots their only ball off the roof and into a gutter. Reopening the store, Dante finds out one of his ex-girlfriends has died and her memorial service is today. Randal talks him into closing the store again and going to the wake. The visit is disastrous, although the audience doesn’t see what transpires during the memorial service. However, a later conversation between the two reveals that Randal knocked over the casket.

That night Caitlin (Lisa Spoonhauer) surprises Dante with a visit. After she assures Dante that the engagement announcement was premature and arranged by her mother, the two trade banter and Dante becomes torn between her and Veronica. He finally decides to take Caitlin on a date and slips home to change. He returns to discover that Caitlin had sex with a dead man in the bathroom, having mistaken the man for Dante (the man had earlier entered the bathroom with a pornographic magazine and had suffered a fatal heart attack while masturbating). An ambulance takes Caitlin away in shock, along with the corpse.

Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith), a pair of stoners who’ve spent all day hanging out (and dealing Cannabis) outside the Quick Stop, enter the store to shoplift. Dante turns down Jay’s offer to party with them. Knowing Dante's predicament, Silent Bob pauses before following Jay outside and offers the following wisdom: “You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.”

Dante then realizes that he loves Veronica. When she returns to the Quick Stop, though, Randal complicates things by revealing that Dante was in love with Caitlin and is planning to date his ex again. Veronica angrily breaks up with Dante and reveals to him that Randal told her of his plans to be with Caitlin. Dante loses his temper and fights with Randal, though the two end up worn out and reconcile.

The film ends with Randal walking out of the store, popping back in briefly to toss Dante's sign at him stating, "You're closed!"[1]